Well...

Well, just starting this blog as a way to vent my feelings.

I mean, who doesn't like a way to let everything out without anyone being able to read it and judge them?

For now, this blog will stay private. No one will see it. 

I just want a way to let my feelings out without getting judged, hated, pitied, or ignored.

This may be pointless, but I think this will be what will help me through school. And life.

Four and a half more years of school. Including this year. God, I don't know how I'll last.

I've tried expressing my feelings through some of my Skype statuses, but that just caused someone to ignore me for a long time, and when we started talking again, he told me that he stopped talking to me because I was acting like an attention whore. That really hurt, and ever since then, I've been pretending to be someone I'm not. I've put on a fake smile, fake laughed, and faked being happy while I've been slowly dying inside. 

It's amazing how much one person's words can hurt someone, don't you think?

And just something to say about today. I've lost my appetite. I barely want to eat. Barely want to talk. Barely want to stay awake.

My dad is making my life a living hell. Mom won't do anything about it. I've come to realize what she's truly like, and to be honest, she's the right person for my dad. They fit each other well. All my mom truly cares about is keeping herself safe and out of trouble. She only cares about saving herself. And my dad is someone who only cares for himself. Ignores everyone else's wants and needs and makes everything go his way. 

Just watch me, mom and dad. Maybe, mom, if you'd stop complaining about how bad your life is and talking about how bad dad is, maybe you'd hear my silent pleas. And maybe, dad, if you'd stop yelling at me about how useless and stupid and ugly and fat and disgusting I am, maybe I wouldn't be like this.

So if you ever take the time to notice, I hope you two enjoy watching the life fade from my eyes. Slowly they will. Slowly I'll lose hope. And living in a house like this, I can only pray Adin doesn't turn out like me. He doesn't deserve it. He's a pure, innocent, happy child, and he should not become depressed just because of his family. 

When you finally realize something is wrong with me, if you ever realize it, it'll be too late. I'll be an empty shell barely dragging herself through her daily routines. And you know what? It'll be all because of you two. You two will be left with nothing more than a shell for a daughter. And I'd bet that you two will only be happy when that happens. Congratulations. I'm pretty much halfway there already. With at least 5 more years of this, I'll be a shell before I graduate High School.

Once again, congratulations.